I just had a very strange encounter. One of my modmates with whom I very rarely speak just knocked on my door and asked if we could talk. They then proceeded to tell me how they and "some of the other people in the mod" had been talking about how someone had apparently heard me saying "that's so gay" and other derogatory and offensive things. They wouldn't tell me who supposedly heard this, because it's "not fair to the other people" but that some of my queer modmates were really hurt and offended. So, someone claims to have heard me say something that I can swear on my life I've never said, something which, for good reason, could really hurt someone, and I don't even get to know who it is? You send a delegate to confront me about it? (The person who talked to me had never heard me say anything.) I can't even explain how I'm feeling right now. Confused definitely comes to mind, as "that's so gay" is not a phrase that has ever been employed in my vernacular; I'm also hurt that the people I live with have such a misconceived idea of who I am; and frankly, I'm fucking pissed that whoever "heard" me say these things doesn't have the balls to talk to me in person, and would instead discuss it with all of my housemates rather than the person in question.
I thought this housing situation was so much better than last year, and I certainly have been happier, but I am really not comfortable living with people who think of me this way, especially when they do so without confronting me. I've been fully aware since I moved in that they're all close and that I'm essentially the "outsider" if you will, but I never thought they were actually all sitting around having covert conversations about their problems with me.
Maybe I just need to live alone.
Maybe this shouldn't upset me so much. But it does.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
if you're living with who i think you're living with, i'm not surprised. try really hard to remember that sometimes people at hampshire are just awful people and it doesn't reflect on you at all ok friend?
ReplyDeletep.s. remember that time cyree and i got into a fight because she was liek "i'm sure you've said thats so gay" to you? me too. i know you're not that person.
Thanks buddy. I appreciate that. And you!
ReplyDeleteI know, feeling like people are discussing you behind your back is uncomfy. My suite mates have this really cute habit of all getting quiet when I walk into the room. And that upsets me like crazy, and what your modmates did is so much worse...
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Only a few more weeks of school, right?
P.S. Kendra, just being REMINDED of that comment makes me so angry.