You don't know me at all

I just had a very strange encounter. One of my modmates with whom I very rarely speak just knocked on my door and asked if we could talk. They then proceeded to tell me how they and "some of the other people in the mod" had been talking about how someone had apparently heard me saying "that's so gay" and other derogatory and offensive things. They wouldn't tell me who supposedly heard this, because it's "not fair to the other people" but that some of my queer modmates were really hurt and offended. So, someone claims to have heard me say something that I can swear on my life I've never said, something which, for good reason, could really hurt someone, and I don't even get to know who it is? You send a delegate to confront me about it? (The person who talked to me had never heard me say anything.) I can't even explain how I'm feeling right now. Confused definitely comes to mind, as "that's so gay" is not a phrase that has ever been employed in my vernacular; I'm also hurt that the people I live with have such a misconceived idea of who I am; and frankly, I'm fucking pissed that whoever "heard" me say these things doesn't have the balls to talk to me in person, and would instead discuss it with all of my housemates rather than the person in question.

I thought this housing situation was so much better than last year, and I certainly have been happier, but I am really not comfortable living with people who think of me this way, especially when they do so without confronting me. I've been fully aware since I moved in that they're all close and that I'm essentially the "outsider" if you will, but I never thought they were actually all sitting around having covert conversations about their problems with me.

Maybe I just need to live alone.

Maybe this shouldn't upset me so much. But it does.

I'm in the grip of a hurricane

So, I have a number of possibilities for places to live next year. As per usual, having too many options just makes me nervous. While I realize that things will, as they generally do, work out, I want them to work out my way, which is a markedly less common occurance.

BUT I may have found a ten dollar bike on Craigslist. I mean, I did find a ten dollar bike on Craigslist, but it's not certain that I'll get it yet. Or that it's even reliably functioning...

I need to start going to the gym again. I feel completely disgusting; I've always been really comfortable with my body, but lately I look in the mirror and just want to look away again. That's not ok. I can't be the stereotypical young female with body issues; that's NOT me. The fact that I'm even letting this bother me is severely distressing. Ugh, how did this happen?

Speaking of the gym, I should go now, but every cell in my body is yelling for me to take a nap. I wonder how this will be resolved?

Panic on the streets of London

So, I left London-town yesterday, and one missed flight, too many hours in the airport, FIVE wailing infants, and a smelly-drunk-belligerent-Bulgarian seatmate later, I have returned. Oh, and I'm now several hundred dollars in debt to my mother, who is probably now several hundred dollars in debt to her bank. Fun times!

The trip was fun though. And seeing Ariane was most excellent! Mostly, we just did a lot of walking and eating and drinking, and when Panzertort was in class I did some more walking and eating and drinking, because that is apparently all I do. It was nice to see my buddies from my last trip to Edinburgh, too, although perhaps not so nice for my liver. Oh well, that jerk can man up and get over it. Stupid organ. (Just kidding, liver, I appreciate everything you do. Keep it up!)

London was really exciting for me, if only because it's nice to know that at least one of my friends has seen all the places that were such a big part of my life for a brief period. Ariane and I went up to my old dorm and met up with a few of my old housemates. (It's Spring Break for them, too, so most of them had gone home.) We went out a little later, but it was some sketchy bar full of people who can only be described as British frat boys, and the live band playing was so bad it was painful. So, not really a good sample of London nightlife, but I had some fun nonetheless.

On Sunday, the weather was delightful so we meandered through Camden Market and then went to my old neighborhood cemetery (the one where Karl Marx is buried) and made friends with Karl's neglected neighboring tombstone.

The night Ariane left I went out to a bar with Michael. It was actually really nice, and I think it was a good idea. Before seeing him, I had technically moved on but things just still felt weird. I guess to use a relationship cliche, at the risk of sounding like a Sex and the City voice over, I felt like I needed closure. So now I basically have that. That's pretty much the gist of it.

Now I'm home and have a mountain of work to do, but I'm generally feeling good about the next few weeks or so. Woohoo positivity!

Rest in my arms, sleep in my bed

Edinburgh SOON. Wahoo!

I officially have a job for the summer. 35 hours a week at Central Records. OMG SO MUCH FILING. Still, it's a nice change from spending the summer peeling bananas for minimum wage.

Now I need a house. Or a very cozy cardboard box and a scenic bit of sidewalk.

Things I need to do before Thursday:
Find a ride/buy a ticket to NYC
Buy a train ticket out of London
Book a hostel IN London
Buy Ariane some canned pumpkin
Pack?
Find my passport
Get a haircut

Things I need to do now-ish:
RESEARCH RESEARCH OH GOD SO MUCH RESEARCH
Eat ice cream.

I think this is a manageable list.

I'm only sleeping

I am getting really, REALLY excited for Spring Break. So many good times will be had, and so many pints of Strongbow will be consumed, and so much Ariane will be seen! I mean... that sounds weird. Also, before I go I get to see Flora!

Today I got an email from my grandfather about his annual trip to NY in April; if I meet him there he's going to take me to TWO plays--I was only expecting one. Woohoo! Also, yet again, I'll see Flora! (Btw, Flora, are you free April 23rd and 24th?).

I am pretty generally pleased at the moment. Happy things are in my future. Happy things are in my now, as well. This is just an all-around happy post. I like those. The happiest thing of all? I have groceries!