Oh, heeey, new apartment, how you doin'?

I'm wrong about everything

FUCK. We didn't get the apartment. I was so sure we had it, this time. The landlords decided to go with tenants in a "better financial situation," i.e. not students. I honestly don't know what to do. Yes, I know that it would be easier to find a place if I loosened my criteria, looked outside of Northampton, etc. But the thing is, I have spent every semester that I've lived at Hampshire being fucking miserable in my living situation, and I am just not willing to compromise anymore. I'm not happy with my life academically anyway, but I thought if I moved off-campus, specifically to Northampton, if I were at least content demestically, I would be able to make it through the last two semesters. The fact is, though, that my disinterest with my schoolwork and with Hampshire in general is such that another year feeling like I have been just isn't worth it. I'm tired of settling. Just once, just fucking once I want things to go my way, and I don't care how petulant, immature or unrealistic that sounds.

I don't know what to do.

I have a therapy session this evening after work. The first time I went to therapy, second year, I was unsure, skeptical, scared; I feel really good about it this time. I know it won't fix everything, but it is such a relief just to have someone listen to me and validate my feelings.

I just want time to think. There's no fucking time anymore. I just want a time out. I wanna go home and think and snuggle with my kitty!